alone

seeing happy couples posting pictures and videos online being silly and going places and on dates and such makes me realize how alone and lonely i really am.  i can’t help but feel a little jelly and envious.. but i guess it’s natural to want to feel special too and like you really matter to someone. and to have someone to go do things with and to spend time with.  lately i feel like no one really cares for me or even really even makes an effort with me.  i want so much more than just the physical/sexual side of someone. i just want to feel like i matter and that i’m worth making efforts for. to be around and to do things with.  not just the same things i do here alone or just physical.  i just haven’t felt like i was worth any effort in a long time.  just felt like it was all taken for granted.  like it’s just expected and doesn’t’ take any effort.  i guess that’s another reason i chose to be alone lately.  cause i feel like i am not worth any effort.  the same routine just gets old after a while.  sometimes you just want to have fun and feel some anticipation and excitement. like someone gives a shit and actually tries.